Thrones, Hearts & Family
by Lady Lilith La Belle
Summary: She is the daughter of a fallen Lord. Her father had been allies of the Targaryen House since birth. He saw the dragons. He once got to ride one. But then came the rebellion. Her father knew many secrets about the Targaryen family, but he did not side with nor against them. She was taken in by the Stark family. She was raised in snow and ice and knows the song and pain to follow.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Game of Thrones. All characters belong to George R.R. Martin. I only own the OC characters.**

Chapter 1

The Warmth of Ice

I was born in the cold. My first cries were heard as snow began to fall from the grey cloudy sky. I was conceived in fire.

My father knew many secrets about the Targaryen family. In fact, he knew that one of his ancestors was a Targaryen bastard. Thus, why we were so close to the Targaryen House in the first place. The Targaryen family was so close, literally and figuratively. Between the incest and extramarital children, they accepted anyone who shared their blood, even if they weren't pure Targaryen blood.

My mother was related to Stark's, distantly though. So distantly that they did not recognize her as a relative. Another one of her ancestors is believed to be related to the Targaryen family as well.

In the midst of the rebellion, my father secluded my mother, who was carrying me, as best as he could. But with battles breaking out everywhere, there were only so many places they could hide. It was when my parents found Rhaegar Targaryen that they felt safe. That didn't last long either. Lyanna Stark was their and both her and my mother where carrying children. There had been handmaidens and doulas. But there was one that my mother and Lyanna Stark shared.

This doula had an affiliation with blood magic and such. My mother trusted her and the doula helped Lyanna Stark give birth. It is unclear what all happened next. Next thing I knew, was told, Eddard Stark brought his nephew, which he declared as his bastard son to spare his life, my mother who was heavily pregnant with me, and the doula to Winterfell.

Ned Stark named his 'son' Jon Snow after his mentor, Jon Arryn. A month upon our arrival, I was born. And it was an event that one wished they had and had not seen. There was so much blood. The maids kept bringing cloths and rags, but the bleeding would not stop. The doula was chanting as mother screamed in agony. I later learned that she was chanting in Valyrian. My mother died of blood loss as I came into the world. The first thing I heard was her last agonizing scream. The next was the chanting doula. After that, Catelyn Stark ordering the doula to be ceased and me being placed in her arms. But, the doula was do with her chanting by time the Winterfell guards apprehended her.

I was restless after my birth. My mother was dead and I was told that I apparently refused to take any from any other woman that Catelyn Stark hired. So, Catelyn gave up on hiring any one because I grew sick and she then offered her milk to me. I drank from her till I was two. Jon was the same exact way as well. Catelyn treated the both of us as though we were her own. But she still harbored some ill feelings towards the both of us. There was a reluctance in her eyes. In her eyes I could see that she did not truly want to take care of an orphaned war child and a child that is the result of a love that started Robert's Rebellion. Lady Catelyn Stark was raised to turn her head from anyone not of highborn blood. She was raised to look down and sneer at bastard born out of wedlock and such. But her heart could not allow her to turn her back on helpless babes. Her heart was not made of stone.

Only her, Ned, and my mother had known of Jon's true parentage. As babies, Jon and I shared a crib. Though he was months older than me, we were inseparable. He was my other half. There was something different about me, in me. Something that always told me to stay with him, it could be my brain or my heart. His name was my first word. Well, my nickname for him anyway, Snowflake. I love the snow. I love his last name because it was something I love. Whenever he was discouraged by being called a bastard, I reminded him that I was there with him and that words should never hurt him when I am beside him. Swords and axes are what kills, but words wound so deeply.

Wherever he went, so did I. People thought that we behaved like twins. We were so connected. As we grew into children instead of babes, they began separating us. They said that I needed to learn how to be a lady and Jon needed to learn how to be a man. I hated that. That was the first thing I ever hated, how our world limited me and other girls. I knew thay I was capable of more. I knew that I would not let those expectations limit my mind or body.

On my second name day, I received gifts from Oberyn Martell and his wife, Ellaria Sand, along with Doran Martell. They sent me books on the many languages across the Narrow Sea and ancient tongues. There was also books on the culture of Dorne. Though I was too young to read them, my Septa read them to me. Lady Stark, Catelyn, had removed the books that were all about weapons and fighting from me though. In her mind, it was not a woman's place to learn such things. She upheld this belief and once she gave birth to Sansa, she was distracted enough so that I would temporarily borrow the books and have Ned Stark read them to me. Even though he did not want to go against his wife's will, he believed that every child, boy or girl, should know about weapons and fighting. He just prefered that women not have to. And since I could talk more than adequately at the age of two, I would tell him,

"Most of the time women do not have a choice and once there is no one to protect them, a woman should always be able to protect herself. Having a dagger does not guarantee safety, knowing how to use it does."

Ned laughed and stated that he prayed the gods for his children to be as wise as me. From then on, the bedtime stories he would tell Jon, Robb, and I were from the Dornish books. Lady Stark never knew. As we grew older, Robb got his own room but I threw a huge fit when they tried to move Jon's things from our room. The look on Jon's face was thay of confusion and shock. For hours no one could find a way to calm me. For hours they endured my unworldly loud screams. They finally gave up and my Snowflake hugged me as I collected myself. He thanked me and we played in our room the rest of the day.

When I reached the age of 5, it was decided that I was to go to Dorne for 6 months. But with the journey to and from, I would be gone for a year. Jon was pleased for me being able to go places and I was having conflicting feelings. I wanted to go but I didn't want to leave my snowflake alone. In the end, I went to Dorne. I promised to bring back things for Jon: a Dornish dagger, several Dornish books on war tactis, and a set of Dornish chest plates. Oberyn was very kind to me. He let me play with his daughters and he showed me his weapons. He knew how to keep a child entertained too. My first visit to Dorne was a dream to me. I learned so much about the world and the truth beyond what Lady Stark and my Septa told me, that when I returned to Winterfell, I no longer believed in the tales of Prince Charming's and damsels in distress.

My name is Bellana Amberdone and I am the last of my name. I have no brothers or sisters. No half brothers or sisters either. my parents had siblings once, but they all either were killed, died young, or were long gone before Robert's Rebellion even started. The Stark's are the only true family I've ever known. But the Martell's are the only family I've ever felt like I was a part of. Sure the Stark's treat me respectfully and as a child. The Martell's, however, they give me the undeniable truth of the world and treat me as their equal, not as a damaged child.

Sometimes while I'd reside in Dorne, I would think about never going back to Winterfell. I didn't mind the cold and I liked the heat of the south. But my thoughts always drifted to my Snowflake. He is the warmth that I want to keep with me at all times. He is my best friend that I will always bestow my trust upon.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Game of Thrones. All characters belong to George R.R. Martin. I only own the OC characters.

Chapter 2

Name Day Morning Part 1

Seventeen.

Seventeen name days.

This day is mine. Today is the day I tell Jon how I feel about him. My nerves are getting to me and I hate that. The fact that I waited so long to tell him bothers me as well. For three years I have known how I felt about him. For three years I let these feelings fester knowing that he intends on leaving to join the Night's Watch one day. I don't want to be selfish and get in the way of what he wants. But I need for him to know that the Night's Watch isn't his only option for a future. I want him to have a future with me and I feel selfish for just wanting that. In my dreams I see the future that Jon can have if he joins the Night's Watch. I see a lot in my dreams. I see things that scare me to the core. I have seen things that had me running to the Godswood to pray in the middle of the night.

I used to tell Lady Catelyn and Lord Stark my dreams but stopped when I realized that if too many people knew of what I see, I would be putting those I care about in danger. I was barely the age of eight when I stopped telling them. That is also when I started telling Jon about them. I never told any of the Martell's about my dreams. They only assumed that I was suffering from night terrors. When I reached the age of fifteen, I stopped telling Jon about them. He noticed and asked if I stopped having them. I did not lie. I could never lie to Jon. I simply explained to him that it is safest to keeps the contents of my dreams to myself.

So, here I am, standing in front of my mirror just past midnight. Jon was sitting at my desk. His mind was focused on the book lying open on the desk and I continuously glanced at him as I attempted to braid my hair for the hundredth time. Although he and I have not shared a room since we were eight years old, on occasion we sneak off into each others room to sleep at night. Exasperated, I combed out my messy gained Jon's attention. He say the frustration on my face and rose from my desk,

"Ana. You should just let Sansa braid your hair. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. She's always offered."

Turning from the mirror and facing Jon, I sighed and made my way to stand in front of him. He had a polite and playful smile on his face.

"You know good and well Jon that I do not like things being done for me that I should be able to do myself. Besides, Sansa loves to talk of boys she has never seen or met all too much. If I have to sit through another one of her delirious fanatics of marriage to a glamorous and handsome knight-"

"Alright. Alright. I get it. I don't even like thinking about Sansa marrying. She's too young to be worrying about such things."

I smirked at Jon and fell onto my bed with a laugh.

"Ha! Tell me about it. Lady Stark had another talk with me just yesterday about seeking possible matches. It's gotten worse Jon. She's not letting the topic go. I swear. It was a whole lot easier to avoid when Rickon was born. Eventually, she will try and take matters into her own hands if she hasn't already. She has no right to give my hand to some lord I have never met. Lady Stark is not my mother. I am her ward, not her daughter."

Jon looked down at me, taking in my words before laying beside me on my bed. Our gazes focused on the ceiling. My hand found Jon and he held mine lightly,

"She means well, Ana. By neither of us having a mother, she took the initiative upon herself. At least she likes you. I can see it now. Over the years I have noticed it much more. She doesn't want me associated with her children. She sees me as a nuisance. I am nothing more than a bastard in her eyes. She may have nursed both of us, but she likes you. Sansa is the only one who follows her mother's beliefs. She called me a bastard to my face the other day…"

My head sharply turned to look at Jon. His eyes met mine. I tried to read his face for his emotions at the moment. I saw pain and confliction. His thumb gently rubbed back and forth on my hand. I knew what he saw in my face, anger and resentment.

"There's nothing you could have done Ana. Do not waste your anger on the matter. Although it does pain me that Sansa thinks of me differently from our other siblings, I understand. I should expect everyone to look down at me. I should not expect for my half siblings to welcome me and love me as though we are fully related."

Jon paused and found my eyes once more locked with his,

"I shouldn't be able to even talk to you. You shouldn't even want to have anything to do with me. Yet here we are and you are my best friend."

He let go of my hand and proceeded to shift a few stray hairs from my face. We lay in my bed in silence for a few moments. Our eyes locked and no words spoken. Neither of us moved and it was a moment of peace that I knew would be rare for a long time to come again. I broke this moment of peace,

"When were you going to tell me that you plan on joining the Night's Watch Jon?"

His hand left my face and he began sitting up,

"How did you find out?"

The shock and guilt in his voice had me almost reluctant to start this conversation.

"Lady Stark told me. She said that since you would be leaving soon that I should start seriously looking for marital matches to distract me from your absence once you leave…. Jon, I have no interest in marrying a man I do not know. I have known you my entire life and you were going to leave me so easily?"

We both were sitting straight up now. Jon quickly grabbed my hand and held it firmly.

"No. It's not like that Ana. I was going to tell you, I swear it. I just didn't want to ruin your name day. And you know it would not be easy to leave home, especially you."

"When I go to Dorne, Jon, do you think it is easy for me to leave? The first two weeks of my journey to Dorne is spent trying to convince myself not to turn around and stay here in Winterfell with you. At least when I go to visit Dorne, I know that I will come back here to you...and your family."

Jon looked at me with a pained expression and I hated this conversation. It was hurting us both.

"Jon. The Night's Watch is a lifetime commitment. Your Uncle Benjen is lucky to be able to come visit you all. I wouldn't be able to see you for years and gods know when I'd ever be able to see you if Lady Catelyn marries me off. I am aware that you want to join the Night's Watch for honor, but I also know that you want to escape your title as the Bastard of Winterfell. You know that I care not for such titles and that you are anything and everything but a bastard to me."

Jon stared at me with an unrecognizable expression for a few seconds before he stood up and began to make his way to my door.

"Jon, don't go."

He stopped and turned back to me.

"I don't want to cause you any trouble Ana. You'll never find a good match if you are associated with a bastard."

Just as he was about to turn away from me again, I was up and in front of him in a matter of seconds. My rage flared in that moment.

"Don't you ever call yourself that! You are not a bastard. You are my friend and I love you more than anyone in Winterfell ever will. So do not belittle yourself to what others think of you! If you think excepting what people think of you will change how I see you or how they see you, then you know nothing! Jon Snow, I swear on my parents graves, if you ever look at yourself as the monstrous bastard people seem to want you to be, I will do anything and everything to make you see that you are better than those you see you as such."

That was not how I necessarily planned on confessing my feelings for Jon. It just...all came out at once. I did not know what else to do when Jon made a surprising and unexpected move. He encased his arms around my torso, brought my body flush against his and then planted his lips firmly on mine. A sensation I had never felt before, started in my lower tummy and a heat rose within my body. The kiss was sweet and held both a good and bad message of importance: I want you, but I must not cross Lady Stark, we should not take things further for there would be no point of return. Our hearts beat in sync the whole time our lips were connected. I felt like we had conjoined somehow. It felt like a destiny that he would not allow to happen.

No matter how many times I bestow my affections upon him, he will never see himself as more than his title. We both savored the moment. Our lips moving in sync as I breathed in the scent of his skin and felt his black curly hair in my fingers. I memorized this moment because I knew that we would never have it again. He sealed his path and I know where his path to the Wall will take him, who it will take him to, what it will show him. All I can do now is change the outcome of the path he has chosen.

I was the first to pull back. His arms were still tightly wrapped around my waist. Our foreheads leaned against one another as was both savored the moment of peace between us. Only this time I was not the one to break the peace. A sudden knock echoed through the room from my closed bedroom door. The peace was gone and we jumped out of eachother's arms. Fear replaced my sadness as a voice sounded just as the door opened. There in the doorway was Lady Stark.

"Bellana, you should be asleep-"

She stopped speaking as soon as her eyes found Jon standing beside me. The look on her face was priceless. Anger and shock never look well upon her face, but that is what it held now. Jon quickly squeezed my hand before quietly saying goodnight to me and retreated out of my room and around Catelyn who glowered at him with such hatred, I almost got angry again. Once he was out of her sights, she turned to me and I knew that she had much to say, and it is more than goodnight.


End file.
